Dick wonders about the timing and specificity of the events that occurred to him in March 1974. He doesn’t doubt it was the Parousia (Christ’s second coming) but he’s not sure if it took place only in his idios kosmos (see the notes on his first letter to Malcom Edwards). He also doesn’t know if the entity was always there and he just saw it when it was revealed to him or if the entity only showed up at precisely the moment when his eyes were opened. Was everything that happened meant only for him or will everyone eventually experience it?
He thinks there might be a novelistic approach to existence where items someone encounters near death could be sprinkled throughout earlier in life (presumably according to the plan of the Logos) in order to give a subjective appearance of meaning and completeness.
When Dick saw Rome supplant Fullerton in March of 1974 he took on the identity of a member of the Christian sect, identified by the Jesus fish symbol, working in secret. When he woke from this vision he entered into a fellowship with God. This reminds him of the vision he saw in the sky years before that inspired him to write The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch. He decides what he saw was actually God, but he just perceived him to be hostile at the time because of his own derangement.